"Leaving" is a story about two best friends named beth and katherine. At a young age, Katherine becomes a lesbian, while beth is manipulated into following. The rest of the story chronicles the deterioration of their relationship because of Beth's big secret, she's not actually bisexual. This is prompted by Beth's lacking sex drive and from that moment on she realizes the truth, but has no idea how to deal with it. So, she uses her only option and leaves.
Overall, I really like you dialogue. I think it is very realistic and very engaging. I was impressed how you pulled this off while still chronicling their relationship.
The characters were very realistic. They were also very well drawn out. I think you showed a lot about each character through their desires and actions, which is also why it was so engaging. The only thing I would question is if Katherine would understand those feelings that early and understand how to deal with them.
The story is told in first person, which is Beth's point-of-view.
The setting is a counseling office.
The opening needed more build up from the end. For example, I think you would have benefitted from describing the counselors officer and setting up the scene that way. Regardless, I think you should introduce them in counseling. In the opening, I thought you character descriptions were very good.
The closing was good. I enjoyed the fact that you did not have a forced ending or cliched, which it could have been easily. Instead you gave a much more realistic route, which I appreciate. I also liked your dialogue at the end, especially your last line "I just am" (Norris 6).
If I understand right, you think the setting of Bethany telling her story should be the councilors office, and I think that might be an interesting way to frame it. I didn't intend for there to be much of an overarching setting, but I guess it was a bit vague.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the critique.