Response to "Holes Full of Dirt" by Ethan Hightower

"Holes Full of Dirt" is a story about a young boy trying to force himself to grow up. He chooses to do so to impress a girl, Ashlyn. Ashlyn is a sixteen year old and has been one of the main character's old friends. That being said, the main character has a crush on Ashlyn and wants to prove he is older than he seems and age is merely a number. In order to prove this, the main character decides to fix his road, which was commented on by Ashlyn. In doing such, he has a conversation with his friend Denver about trying to grow up. This conversation conveys a strong desire on the main character's part, but as the conversation continues it becomes clear the main character has no clue how.

Overall, I think you are working with a very interesting concept that has potential to be strong. In order to do so, I think the main character needs to develop more emotions. I also think you could accomplish this by developing the main character's and Ashlyn's relationship.

The characters were good, but they all need to be fleshed out more. For example, I think Denver's character is very important to the story and giving him more background would show a much stronger contrast with who he wants to be and what he actually is.

The story is told in first person. Honestly, I think this type of story is the most effective in first person.

The setting mostly takes place on the road, but it also takes place in Ashlyn's car. I think if you gave a stronger sense of setting and description, the characters personality would be easier to show.

I feel like they opening was good, but I wanted more description of both characters.  I also wanted a stronger sense of setting. I really like how you used "The Killers" do establish one of your points. I think you should continue on that path because it is much more relatable. 

The closing was good, but it kind of felt forced at times. There was too much exposition at the end. I thought you point at the end was great and well said, but I want you to show me this through actions. For example, establish an emotional connection between the dad and the main character. Once establishing that, you can show these emotions and lessons without just bluntly saying it.