Jhumpa Lahir's "Once in a Liftetime is a story about a young Indian girl growing up in modern America. She retells the story of how her parents met their closest friends, made it through Ph.D. programs, and lost their friends again. She tells this story through the eyes of the daughter, who is an only child. Yet, the story fully takes flight when her parents take in their best friends, who have returned from India. However, the family has no idea why. All they know is how much Dr. Choudhuri and his family have changed. It was described as being Americanized and it was shown through examples like the bottle of Johnny Walker. The only difference in the family is a son, who the daughter is timid around. That is, until she learns the true secret of their return, which is because his mom has breast cancer. This leads to a completely new element of the story because it really affects the daughter, but not in a sympathetic way. Instead, she reacts in a horrified way that she was in such close proximity with the disease. Regardless, she promises not to tell her family and she does just that. The story ends with her parents feeling snubbed because of their lack of communication with Dr. Choudhuri and his family. Only their daughter knows the truth, but she is determined to keep her promise.
I was personally not a fan of this story. While I really appreciated the main character's tone, it felt extremely slow. By that I mean, the story itself. She narrated it in a very drawn out fashion and I feel like the story could have been condensed. I also feel like there was not enough change to warrant the length of the story.
I did really enjoy her descriptions and sense of setting. I thought her descriptions of her mothers home was great. I also really enjoyed the development of the parents character and how they stayed true to keeping things a secret because of how prideful they were. It makes for a very interesting dynamic.
Another thing I wanted to see more of was the son. While we did see him more at the end, I wanted to see him much earlier. I also wanted to see him interact more at the dinner table we they first saw one another again. I did really enjoy their relationship and thought it progressed nicely.
If I could take anything from this story, it would be how real her characters felt. I almost felt like it was a non-fiction story and I think this was due to how strong her dialogue and descriptions were.
Overall, it was not by any means my favorite story, but it has the mark of an excellent writer and she demonstrates a very good use of her skills.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Respons to "Meow" by Cary Bayless
Meow is a first person story about a main character who seems to have autism and is just trying to learn his way through life. The main character, Cyril, begins by being in a place he is not supposed to be and gets in some trouble for it. He demonstrates his inability to understand through this scene. However, he shows what he is good at as well, which is counting. Cyril then goes to captain d's for a fish sandwich with Earl and Jimmy-Cat. At this point, he finds out Jimmy-Cat is a female and has had a litter of kittens. Once again, Cyril is left trying to understand, but what he does understand is Earl and Cyril are happy to see him, which he is so desperately looking for.
Overall, I think you have an interesting story here. I think you need to develop Cyril's character a little more and define the setting as well. Once you revise those small changes, I think you will have a great story.
As far as Cyril goes, I think he is a very interesting character. I did want some more background information on him. I also wanted him to have more interaction with other characters. I wanted to see more of his inability to understand. I believe this would help the reader believe in the change at the end. I also want to know more about your secondary characters as well, especially Earl. Why does Earl sympathize with Cyril?
The other thing I wanted to see more of was setting. You do a good job of describing certain things, but I want to see more of those. I think your story would benefit a great deal with a stronger sense of setting.
The beginning and the end are good. I think you do a great job introducing the character and showing what exactly you wanted us to see. I wanted to see a more significant change at the end. I think if you tried some of the suggestions above it would make a greater impact with your ending. I think it would be interesting to see what Cyril really learned or if he learned anything because of his disability.
Overall, I really liked the point of view that was used in the story. It has a very strong tone. Although, I would like to see more of Cyril's personality in it, but just a small amount.
In the end, this is a really good story and I hope to read the final version.
Overall, I think you have an interesting story here. I think you need to develop Cyril's character a little more and define the setting as well. Once you revise those small changes, I think you will have a great story.
As far as Cyril goes, I think he is a very interesting character. I did want some more background information on him. I also wanted him to have more interaction with other characters. I wanted to see more of his inability to understand. I believe this would help the reader believe in the change at the end. I also want to know more about your secondary characters as well, especially Earl. Why does Earl sympathize with Cyril?
The other thing I wanted to see more of was setting. You do a good job of describing certain things, but I want to see more of those. I think your story would benefit a great deal with a stronger sense of setting.
The beginning and the end are good. I think you do a great job introducing the character and showing what exactly you wanted us to see. I wanted to see a more significant change at the end. I think if you tried some of the suggestions above it would make a greater impact with your ending. I think it would be interesting to see what Cyril really learned or if he learned anything because of his disability.
Overall, I really liked the point of view that was used in the story. It has a very strong tone. Although, I would like to see more of Cyril's personality in it, but just a small amount.
In the end, this is a really good story and I hope to read the final version.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Response to "Perfect" Laurel Kostakis
Perfect is about a girl struggling to find the difference between who she is and who she wants to be. Throughout all of high school she was not liked and all of the other things that made high school horrible. So, in the next phase of her life, it is time to reinvent her life. She does so by understanding her beauty, making more friends, and creating a life of popularity. In my opinion, she creates a fake reality around herself and convinces herself that these things are real. An example of this is when she dumps her best friend because of a superiority complex.
I think you have a very interesting story and a very interesting perspective. I think you show an interesting development within the main character. By doing so, it really allows the reader to care about the character and actually relate very easily to her. That being said, I think you did a great job with the main character. I wanted to see more descriptions of her and more dialogue with her, but I think she works very well. She is that girl everyone knows.
One of the things I would like to see you work on is a defined setting. While you do have a scene, it is not really described or defined. I think it would even be interesting if you defined it through her eyes in a superficial way, which will help show the change more.
I think the ending and the beginning of the story are very good. I enjoyed the implied ending you had with the girl that had hope. In my opinion, it really solidified change within the character. Yet, it did so very subtly and elegantly. I really like the fact you didn't tell us how she changed, instead you showed us.
Another thing I would suggest, is checking over you tense changes. I have this very same problem and it is a tough one to get around. Yet, sometimes it takes away from your story because I am trying to determine if the narrator is speaking or the main girl is.
Other than that, I think you have a great story here. Keep up the good work on it.
I think you have a very interesting story and a very interesting perspective. I think you show an interesting development within the main character. By doing so, it really allows the reader to care about the character and actually relate very easily to her. That being said, I think you did a great job with the main character. I wanted to see more descriptions of her and more dialogue with her, but I think she works very well. She is that girl everyone knows.
One of the things I would like to see you work on is a defined setting. While you do have a scene, it is not really described or defined. I think it would even be interesting if you defined it through her eyes in a superficial way, which will help show the change more.
I think the ending and the beginning of the story are very good. I enjoyed the implied ending you had with the girl that had hope. In my opinion, it really solidified change within the character. Yet, it did so very subtly and elegantly. I really like the fact you didn't tell us how she changed, instead you showed us.
Another thing I would suggest, is checking over you tense changes. I have this very same problem and it is a tough one to get around. Yet, sometimes it takes away from your story because I am trying to determine if the narrator is speaking or the main girl is.
Other than that, I think you have a great story here. Keep up the good work on it.
Response to "Cats" by Rhamah Norris
Cats is about a lady who runs an animal shelter and struggles to give away animals she considers to be worthy of adoption. This is especially the case with a cat named Lilly, who is friendly and lovable. She always states "What a shame" when nobody adopts her or she gets into conversations about her. At the end of the story, a boy comes along who is trying to revive his dog's spirit by replacing his cat. In doing so, he attempts to buy lilly in a hurried sense. Lilly respond in rage and lashes out in a hissy way and claws the boy across the face. The lady quickly runs the boy past the cat, knowing it was her idea. She then cleans him up and the boy does not end up adopting the cat, nor any other animal.
Overall, I think you have a ton of potential for a good story here. I think you character is a very good one and built up very well. I would like to see more personality in her though. Consider adding a little more in her dialogue. Also, I wanted to see more physical descriptions of the characters, especially the main character.
I think your setting needs to be more defined and more described. I like the fact you have it at an animal shelter, use it. It would make for a very interesting point of the story.
I think in the parts you used dialogue in the story, you used them well. I would suggest you add more dialogue. I think it would have added to the moment at the end if you would have added more dialogue.
For the beginning and ending, I think you were at your best. The beginning started with a strong presence and so did the ending. I think the ending needs to be fleshed out a little more. For example, I would like to know what happens to Lilly or imply what happens.
In the end, I think you did a great job with this story and it has the potential to be something even better.
Overall, I think you have a ton of potential for a good story here. I think you character is a very good one and built up very well. I would like to see more personality in her though. Consider adding a little more in her dialogue. Also, I wanted to see more physical descriptions of the characters, especially the main character.
I think your setting needs to be more defined and more described. I like the fact you have it at an animal shelter, use it. It would make for a very interesting point of the story.
I think in the parts you used dialogue in the story, you used them well. I would suggest you add more dialogue. I think it would have added to the moment at the end if you would have added more dialogue.
For the beginning and ending, I think you were at your best. The beginning started with a strong presence and so did the ending. I think the ending needs to be fleshed out a little more. For example, I would like to know what happens to Lilly or imply what happens.
In the end, I think you did a great job with this story and it has the potential to be something even better.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Response to "Incarnations of Burned Children"
David Foster Wallace's story is a very vivd tale. I've read this story several times and with each read it still manages to affect me in a cringing manner. However, they way Foster describes the scene is what makes his story so effective. He builds character and emotion, only to rip it all away from you.
What I really admire from this story is how Foster can write a general story, but still make you strong relate to these characters. Honestly, these could be any parents, but Foster makes you feel as if they are your children. He does this through imagery, description, and a strong understand of how to convey emotion. He also does an excellent job at creating a scene and a setting. Foster uses something so simple to do this, but that is what makes it so relatable. Also, by creating a scene so simple, he can focus more on the emotions of the parents.
My favorite part of the story, oddly enough, is the end. I think Foster does an excellent job with the outcome, mostly due to the way he presents the information. Foster presents the ending as an innocent child who just had his/her life taken away from them. Yet, the parents did nothing wrong, it was merely time. He also discusses how the cycle will come full circle when it rains. In my opinion, this is very powerful because once again, the child has passed on but Foster has made you care so much that it moves you.
Overall, I think this is a great story. I truly appreciate the realism incorporated within every aspect of this story. I also appreciate how Foster does not shy away from the horror, but describes it in such a poetic way that you are forced to relate. If I could take one thing from his writing, it would be that. Foster uses this skill flawlessly within this poem and it shows within the attachment of the reader.
What I really admire from this story is how Foster can write a general story, but still make you strong relate to these characters. Honestly, these could be any parents, but Foster makes you feel as if they are your children. He does this through imagery, description, and a strong understand of how to convey emotion. He also does an excellent job at creating a scene and a setting. Foster uses something so simple to do this, but that is what makes it so relatable. Also, by creating a scene so simple, he can focus more on the emotions of the parents.
My favorite part of the story, oddly enough, is the end. I think Foster does an excellent job with the outcome, mostly due to the way he presents the information. Foster presents the ending as an innocent child who just had his/her life taken away from them. Yet, the parents did nothing wrong, it was merely time. He also discusses how the cycle will come full circle when it rains. In my opinion, this is very powerful because once again, the child has passed on but Foster has made you care so much that it moves you.
Overall, I think this is a great story. I truly appreciate the realism incorporated within every aspect of this story. I also appreciate how Foster does not shy away from the horror, but describes it in such a poetic way that you are forced to relate. If I could take one thing from his writing, it would be that. Foster uses this skill flawlessly within this poem and it shows within the attachment of the reader.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Response to "The Summer of Lemon Drops" by Nate Lundberg
"The Summer of Lemon Drops" is a story about a youth serving his community service. We are not exactly sure why he is serving the community service, but he is doing so instead of interning in New York. During his community service, he has to work with a gentlemen named John. John was dedicated to his job, but he was more dedicated to tricking the main character. He did so by creating a fake box of gold, which the main character played right into. By the end of the story, the main character was convince that John was merely on this earth to torture him.
Overall, I think you have a very strong story. I really like the aspect of the "lemon drops." However, I do think you should incorporate it more than twice. It could be a really interesting way to take your story to a different level of development. I do think your main character needs a little more developing. For example, I want to know the crime he committed to get him the community service. Also, has he committed a crime before.
The story is told in first person and from the standpoint of the narrator. I think this story works well in first person. Although, it might be interesting to hear some of the story from John's perspective. Perhaps, considering giving him more personality and more relateability.
The characters are good, but they do need to be fine tuned a bit. I want to know more about how the main character views the judge and justice system. I feel like he would be bitter about them, especially since they are holding up his future.
The setting of this story is good and well-defined. It revolves around community service in Cape Canaveral Florida.
The opening of the story is very strong. I really like you analogy of people having two faces. I did want you to go into more detail about what that meant and what the difference in the two faces are (Physically). I also wanted you to describe the judge and courtroom more.
I feel like this ending has a bunch of potential, but I felt like I was missing something. I do not feel like the main character really experienced a change. It was more of a selfish realization, which is something I am currently working on in my own stories, so I understand. Consider showing a change by the way he reacts to John once he finds out the box is fake. This would also add more depth to both sets of characters.
Overall, I think you have a very strong story. I really like the aspect of the "lemon drops." However, I do think you should incorporate it more than twice. It could be a really interesting way to take your story to a different level of development. I do think your main character needs a little more developing. For example, I want to know the crime he committed to get him the community service. Also, has he committed a crime before.
The story is told in first person and from the standpoint of the narrator. I think this story works well in first person. Although, it might be interesting to hear some of the story from John's perspective. Perhaps, considering giving him more personality and more relateability.
The characters are good, but they do need to be fine tuned a bit. I want to know more about how the main character views the judge and justice system. I feel like he would be bitter about them, especially since they are holding up his future.
The setting of this story is good and well-defined. It revolves around community service in Cape Canaveral Florida.
The opening of the story is very strong. I really like you analogy of people having two faces. I did want you to go into more detail about what that meant and what the difference in the two faces are (Physically). I also wanted you to describe the judge and courtroom more.
I feel like this ending has a bunch of potential, but I felt like I was missing something. I do not feel like the main character really experienced a change. It was more of a selfish realization, which is something I am currently working on in my own stories, so I understand. Consider showing a change by the way he reacts to John once he finds out the box is fake. This would also add more depth to both sets of characters.
Response to "Animals" by Adam Smith
"Animals" is a story about a guy with animalistic instincts, which embodies all men. However, this guy uses his animal instincts to corrupt a young girl named Jenny. Jenny was a sweet and innocent young lady, but drawn to the dark side of romance. With the help of her romantic pursuit, she is led into a life of theft and ultimately a side of life she grew to adore. Unfortunately, the main character is forced to witness all of the change within Jenny and blames himself for her actions. Upon witnessing the monster he created, the main character has a gut check moment and has no clue how to fix it.
Overall, I really enjoyed your story. I think it has a good premise and it kept me interested throughout. However, I did want to see more character development from both main characters. I think you do a good job explaining their emotions, but I want to see these as well. I think giving the story a definitive setting would help out this problem as well. I would also like to see more personality within Jenny. I feel as if most of what we know about her comes from the main character explaining. I want to see why she is so innocent, why she does not kill bugs, and what triggered her thievery.
The story is told from a first person standpoint. It is told through the eyes of the narrator a I think it works well with that. I think you need to tell this story in first person so the characters are more relatable.
The setting of this story is a bit undefined to me. Of course, in a few places it becomes clear, such as Italy. However, for the most part, I felt lost about where I was. There were several references to southern roots, such as the barn dance. Regardless, I was never sure.
The characters in the story seem very realistic. I think you do a great job of outlining them and putting them into real situations. I also like how you associated the observations of certain character traits (Self-indulgent guy, Innocent girl). As I stated earlier, I still want to see more development within the characters. Also, I want a stronger sense of change at the end of the story.
The opening was good, but I wanted more description of the place having the item stolen. Also, I want to see more emotion within the main character. Talk about the dazzle in his eye when he stole something.
The ending was very good and interesting. I personally liked the indirect ending, but in order to pull this off I need a general direction to be steered in. I want to have an idea of what the main character is about to do, but I honestly, I have no idea.
Overall, Great job and you have an excellent story here.
Overall, I really enjoyed your story. I think it has a good premise and it kept me interested throughout. However, I did want to see more character development from both main characters. I think you do a good job explaining their emotions, but I want to see these as well. I think giving the story a definitive setting would help out this problem as well. I would also like to see more personality within Jenny. I feel as if most of what we know about her comes from the main character explaining. I want to see why she is so innocent, why she does not kill bugs, and what triggered her thievery.
The story is told from a first person standpoint. It is told through the eyes of the narrator a I think it works well with that. I think you need to tell this story in first person so the characters are more relatable.
The setting of this story is a bit undefined to me. Of course, in a few places it becomes clear, such as Italy. However, for the most part, I felt lost about where I was. There were several references to southern roots, such as the barn dance. Regardless, I was never sure.
The characters in the story seem very realistic. I think you do a great job of outlining them and putting them into real situations. I also like how you associated the observations of certain character traits (Self-indulgent guy, Innocent girl). As I stated earlier, I still want to see more development within the characters. Also, I want a stronger sense of change at the end of the story.
The opening was good, but I wanted more description of the place having the item stolen. Also, I want to see more emotion within the main character. Talk about the dazzle in his eye when he stole something.
The ending was very good and interesting. I personally liked the indirect ending, but in order to pull this off I need a general direction to be steered in. I want to have an idea of what the main character is about to do, but I honestly, I have no idea.
Overall, Great job and you have an excellent story here.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)