"Pretend" by Robert Elrod is a story about a man who cannot keep it together. He is struggling to pay bills and he has no choice, but do make this decision one last time, the decision to rob someone. He chooses to do this at a far out gas station. He has done this many times before and is almost a pro at it, so he grips his .22. Things are never the same. From this point on, we learn the main character's desires in life. We do this through the eyes of a little boy named Nathan.
Overall, I think you have a great story. In my opinion, just about everything was working. I thought the dialogue was great, the characters were well developed, and the plot built itself up nicely.
The setting took place outside of a gas station and there was nothing either way for forty miles.
The story was told from the POV of the main character, thus showing all his trials and tribulations.
The character were extremely real. However, I wanted to see more character description. I feel like it would only benefit you to do so because it just strengthen the tension within your story. The thing I enjoyed most of about the character is how you created an unlikable character, but humanized him in such a way people had not choice, but to sympathize for him.
The opening is good and a nice start to the plot. I did want to see more scene description. Also, I wanted to see more emotion when dealing with the bills. Lastly, I wanted you to show us he was stressed, not simply tell us.
The closing was good and was not forced. In my opinion, it was a very good balance of the message and change. The most important part to me was learning how much the main character wanted a family, something to call his own, and maybe even a reason to live. The embrace he shared with Nathan was special. It was a connection and embraces he has longed for.
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