Response to "Deception" by Laurel Kostakis

"Deception" is a story of a husband and wife growing apart and soon has grave consequences. The story begins as the couple find out there has been a few robberies across the neighborhood. Shortly after this, Kevin has to attend a dental conference, but really he is having an affair with cynthia. Marcy, Kevin's wife, starts to piece together the puzzle through clues and lose ends that Kevin is cheating. She also begins to fear for her life, which is due to all the robberies taking place. That night, Marcy is trying to sleep when she hears a disturbance. Trying to find a place to hide, she uses the closet and hopes for the best. Little did she know, it was Kevin coming home to murder her in her sleep. However, before Kevin can kill her, he is killed by another burglar (the same one committing all the robberies). As Marcy got her life back together, she bought a dog, sold the business, and lived close to the kids. She was slowly but surely trying to forget everything that happened. 

Overall, I think you are working with a good concept. I think the story could be condensed in a few areas. It also needs to be re-worded in a few ares because it can be somewhat confusing. 

The characters were good, but they were too "desperate housewife-ish." I wanted to see more development and personality within each one of the characters. For example, when Carol the gossip queen was telling them about the murders, it would be a great time to add some inner-dialogue. Show us more about the characters as well.  

The story is told in first person, which is Marcy's point-of-view.

The setting mostly takes place in Kevin and Marcy's house, but it also takes place in their neighborhood.

The opening was good, but I would add more inner-dialogue. Also, consider adding more character personality at the beginning. It will add to the suspense you are trying to build. Also, consider making the first robbery story more vivid and malicious.  

The closing was good, but it kind of felt forced at times. I would work on re-wording some of your final paragraphs. I would also establish how she knew that kevin wanted to kill her over cynthia. Also, I would consider not ending it with the line "my husband bought them for me." In my opinion, that loses emotional appeal for the character.