Response to "Short Story I" by Adam Smith

Adam Smith's story is about a girl who is being adopted, but her adoptive parent is a cautious recluse. The mother's name was Lucy and she was involved in home invasions during a world war. This has scared her for life and because of this, she plans to make her adopted daughter, Margaret, just as cautious. Until a certain point in the story, this works. Lucy warns her daughter of the horrors the world has to offer and labels them with the name "Wolves." Lucy follows her warnings for eight years, but grows weary of the situation. Yet, she chooses to follow the rules. That is, until Marcus, a door to door milk salesman, shows up at her door. He charms Margaret and eventually invites her to a play. After the play, Margaret sees the world for what it truly is. This stems from seeing Marcus hit a girl in the head with a brick. After witnessing this terrible event, Margaret runs home and says, "Wolves... The world is full of them."

Overall, I think you have a very different story with a good premise. I think telling it from a different culture made the story very interesting and exciting, which is important with a familiar tell.

The characters were well thought out, but I would add more dimensions to Marcus. A good time to incorporate that would be during the skit he is preforming in. Use that to show another side of him and then show how it affects Margaret. Also, I wanted to see more form the character of Aunt Judy. I feel like you opened several doors with her, but did not go back to them.

The setting was told from the perspective of margaret for most of the story. I would consider telling the entire story in her perspective for consistency reason. For example, show the adoption through her eyes. What her first impressions were of Lucy and what she thought of Judy. 

I think the opening of your story was very good and very developed. I also really enjoyed the detailed descriptions used at the very beginning. However, I did want to see more details of London, her flat, and the orphanage. 

My only worry with the story comes at the end. I feel like it was a bit forced. I wanted to see more involvement with Marcus. I feel like that was too loose of an end to leave. I think you have a great story and a great point, but I wanted a more definitive ending.