"Animals" is a story about a guy with animalistic instincts, which embodies all men. However, this guy uses his animal instincts to corrupt a young girl named Jenny. Jenny was a sweet and innocent young lady, but drawn to the dark side of romance. With the help of her romantic pursuit, she is led into a life of theft and ultimately a side of life she grew to adore. Unfortunately, the main character is forced to witness all of the change within Jenny and blames himself for her actions. Upon witnessing the monster he created, the main character has a gut check moment and has no clue how to fix it.
Overall, I really enjoyed your story. I think it has a good premise and it kept me interested throughout. However, I did want to see more character development from both main characters. I think you do a good job explaining their emotions, but I want to see these as well. I think giving the story a definitive setting would help out this problem as well. I would also like to see more personality within Jenny. I feel as if most of what we know about her comes from the main character explaining. I want to see why she is so innocent, why she does not kill bugs, and what triggered her thievery.
The story is told from a first person standpoint. It is told through the eyes of the narrator a I think it works well with that. I think you need to tell this story in first person so the characters are more relatable.
The setting of this story is a bit undefined to me. Of course, in a few places it becomes clear, such as Italy. However, for the most part, I felt lost about where I was. There were several references to southern roots, such as the barn dance. Regardless, I was never sure.
The characters in the story seem very realistic. I think you do a great job of outlining them and putting them into real situations. I also like how you associated the observations of certain character traits (Self-indulgent guy, Innocent girl). As I stated earlier, I still want to see more development within the characters. Also, I want a stronger sense of change at the end of the story.
The opening was good, but I wanted more description of the place having the item stolen. Also, I want to see more emotion within the main character. Talk about the dazzle in his eye when he stole something.
The ending was very good and interesting. I personally liked the indirect ending, but in order to pull this off I need a general direction to be steered in. I want to have an idea of what the main character is about to do, but I honestly, I have no idea.
Overall, Great job and you have an excellent story here.
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